Eyes on me
by thrills
Summary: He could feel those eyes on him. The ones that made it impossible for him to study or do anything. Slash...not really shure if it is rated correctly, but oh well
1. Staring

Something written in the middle of the night, during a long lapse of insomnia. I don't really love it, its flawed, but when I had written it I could sleep, so : ).

Warning slash...flames welcome. (never been flamed..and I always try to welcome new things)

P.S. I apologise beforehand for the spelling, english is not my first language (or secong or third for that matter. Hehe) Hope its not awfully hard to follow.

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Staring.

History of magic. I know that after all the times I´ve nagged and lectured over James and Sirius about the importance of taking notes ( wich more often than not only achieves making Sirius shove out his tongue at me) it is slightly hippocritical that now I sit here more than halfway through the period staring down at an empty parchment. I am trying to listen, I really am. The problem is that I can feel his eyes upon me. Why is he staring? He must be plotting some awful scheme. Probably one were he expects me to do something dangerous, something involving high chance of getting me in detention. Yes, that must be it. That is the only reason he is staring, so you can stop fluttering around my stomac, stupid butterflies.

On the way out he grabs my arm and gives me that mischievous smile that always means trouble. I hate that smile. Mental note to self, remember to inform my knees of that because obviously them going week like that just doesn't go with the whole "hate" thing.

"Moony, come on. Hurry up or all the food will be gone." I never get a chance to remind him that in our six years at Hogwarts not once has there ever been a shortage of food, because this statement is followed with an impatient shake of my arm by my over exited friend. To better demonstrate how my slow walking is making him crazy he does a little jump, to let out a little extra energy. PUDDING he then shrieks in my ear, and giving up on waiting for me simply grabs me by my rope collar and goes on to drag me down towards the great hall. Pudding, of course, it's Friday how could I forget. And how would it be possible not to love someone who can get that exited about pudding? A little voice inside my heads whispers "you are so pathetic", but I determinedly ignore it.

That night when I'm sitting on my bed trying to study (well I have to make up for not paying any attention in HoM, now don't I) I feel those eyes on me again. He is sitting on his own bed, charming James's socks to violently rip each other apart. He obviously found that to be amusing because he has been sitting there quietly for over 20 minutes (a rare occurrence) although I'm not sure James will see the humour in it when he sees all his socks in ruins littering the floor. Well, at least that is what he was doing. Now he just sits there observing me with interest. "What" I snap at him. He is going to talk me into participating in one of his bigger scale pranks (which he always manages to do. Really it is rather sad how quickly I give in to him, but it has absolutely nothing to do with how fetching he looks when he does his puppy eyes. Really!) It's just as well to get it over with. Maybe then he will stop plotting and staring and I will have a slight chance of getting any work done. What I expected him to do was to jump of his bed and start explaining his plans with exaggerated hand gestures. What I did not expect was for him to look away startled and mumbling something incoherent.

Now I was curious. Sirius Black was never embarrassed. He was often cocky, full of himself and egoistic. He was always full of energy, hyper and annoying, easily bored and just as easily entertained. He was smart and lazy, funny and sometimes mean. He was also sweet, caring and loyal. When it was just the two of us he could be really gentle, and sometimes you could see behind the barriers in his eyes to just how much more lay beneath…but Sirius Black was never, ever embarrassed.

Maybe he was looking at my newest scar. Of course I would never sit around shirtless, I'm way to self aware for that, but my newest scar runs all the way from my bellybutton over my collarbone and to just below my right ear. That must be it, he is embarrassed because he knows how much I dislike people seeing my scars. I know I'm being silly but the thought of him finding my scar so repulsive that he has to openly stare at it hurts somewhere deep down. ("He thinks you're hideous" the little voice in my head whispers. I am really starting to dislike this voice. I know I'm being silly because its not his fault, its normal to look at something so different, so freakish.) "What." I don't know why I asked again. I desperately don't want to hear him say what he was staring at, and I want pity least of all. The words were just out before I knew.

He looks up at me, with a strange expression on his face, and it takes me a couple of seconds to understand that he is embarrassed. It isn't an expression you expect to see on the face of Sirius Black. He seems to be struggling with words, and when he does speak it comes out in a soft spoken voice I have only heard in my half conscious state following full moon transformations. "Umm, well, I think, well, you look sort of"… his voice travels off, but then he looks up at me with resolution on his face and says in one breath " you always look so beautiful when you are reading, you know that?" I never get a chance to answer that question (Not that I would have been able to, my subconscious seems to have taken a break while the little voice in my head has gone quiet out of pure shock.), because he stands up and takes off. It takes me long two minutes to come out of my daze.


	2. Stupid

Once again; this is slash.

Disclaimer: not mine :(

And I apologise beforehand if my grammar is incorrect.

P.S. I am so not sure about this whole rating system. Am I rating this all wrong:( (Where I live things are just rated or not.)

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"I am so stupid. Stupid and unconsidered and…, oh a butterfly. Look how pretty, and green and. God dammit Sirius, focus. That was so stupid. Stupid mouth going off before I can think." I sit down belowa tree, and feel cold all off sudden. It isn't at all cold outside, but I still have to fight off a shiver. Now, damage control. Well, I always planned to tell him he looks completely beautiful, but I was going to do it in a way much more out thought and romantic than that. And I definitely did not plan on BLUSHING. What on earth was that about? I never blush, and when he catches me innocently looking I turn as red as a …, well something really red.

I become so engaged in thinking just what would promptly describe how red I must have been, that when I feel another body suddenly against my side I yelp in surprise. Well, actually that is a big fat lie, I shriek like a little girl. Remus is sitting there beside me, looking at me with an unfamiliar glint in his eyes. "What was that about?" he asks me with a calm voice. Something like doubt begins to swirl in my stomach. I was always sure he would want me, you know when I would tell him just how ravishing he looks. I never really considered the possibility that he would not want me. Well, sometimes this little voice inside my head whispered that he was too good for me, but I never listened to that it. Looking at Remus I realize that I have been staring into space contemplating my own wildly tripping ego for several minutes. "Umm" Great Sirius, how linguistic. I will just have to go for it, now don't I? I am not a Gryffindor for nothing I tell you. Brave, courageous, outspoken. Although this would be a lot easier if I wasn't turning red as a….., oh give it up Sirius. " Well, I think you look beautiful when you read, so I decided to tell you." I tried my damn hardest to make that sound casual, like my whole happiness didn't depend on his answer. I had a feeling that I had failed miserably.

Now he was just staring at me with those amber eyes, and he looked like he was fighting an inner struggle. "Trying to decide if he finds you repulsive or disgusting" the mean little voice in my head whispers. "Bugger off" I roar, out loud unfortunately, because Remmie pulls back from me like he has been burned. " No, no, not you. I was talking to this voice in my head, I was just.." I trail off, my face burning brighter if it was at all possible. I look down at the grass I'm sitting on. This isn't going how I planned at all. And then I feel those soft lips on mine. It's a kiss. He is kissing me. And it is clumsy, and awkward and over way to soon because he pulls away mumbling something that sounds like sorry. Than he stands up, but before he can get away I grab his cloak. I pull him back down and I kiss him. And it is a little less clumsy, even more awkward and just about the most perfect thing I have ever done.


End file.
